


and we know pain

by mariette



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky cares about Steve, Loss, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-08 02:29:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12854799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariette/pseuds/mariette
Summary: A snapshot glimpse of Bucky's life caring for Steve. Even if he was too stubborn to want it.





	and we know pain

Bucky wasn’t ever really sure when he decided that he’d need to be the one to take care of Steve for the rest of his life. He didn’t know if it was when Steve’s mother died, or when they found out he was diagnosed with asthma, or when they found out he had frequent heart palpitations, partial deafness, and color blindness. Maybe it was when they first met.

 

Steve had always been a frail, tiny, and chronically ill kid. His mother tried to keep him as safe as she could but his body was the weak one not his mind. He was a determined kid and she could never reign him in. That’s why the day he was getting his ass beat by some neighbor kids was the same day Bucky moved into the neighborhood and she couldn’t have been more grateful. Bucky never actually found out how that fight started but since he knows how Steve acts now, he was probably the one to start it. No matter how it began Bucky ended it by shoving the tip of his boot into a kid’s back whose only purpose it seemed like was to raise hell. Needless to say Steve never had an issue with the guy again.

 

“You okay?” Bucky asked as he held his hand out for Steve to grab. He was laying in the dirt road wiping some spit off of his chin. Steve grabbed it willingly but looked upset.

 

“Coulda handled it myself. Had em’ right where I wanted em’.” He said. Bucky smiled and pulled him to a standing position.

 

“Didn’t look like it,” he said.

 

They were 8 years old then. Only recognizing that their biggest competitors in this world were the bullies on their street. But the universe seemed to have different plans for them and everything seemed to happen at once. First, Steve got sick. Like  _ really sick. _ Sarah, his mother, said that it’s was “a damn miracle he hadn’t died”. Bucky seems to be repeating her words to himself daily now.

Steve refused to believe that he was sick. Explaining to his mother and to Bucky that he was fine going out in the cold and working. He insisted that he was just a stock boy, that it didn’t matter that it was cold since he would be inside. Steve and Bucky knew it was bullshit. They couldn’t get heat on this side of town even if they begged for it, convenience store or not. Unless you lived on the East side the closest thing you had to warmth was the oven during dinner time and the candle in your bedroom. It wasn’t until Steve’s boss called for Bucky to come drag him out of the store because “he had passed out for the last time”. Bucky hadn’t known about the fainting spells until then. Apparently they happened often.

 

After the incident Sarah forced Steve to stay home much to his dismay. He wanted to contribute, let his mother rest from her 12 hour days at the hospital. She pushed through with a smile and told him what she always did.

 

“Stevie I love my job. I love being around my patients. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. And if it keeps a roof over your head I’ll do whatever it takes.”

 

Once Sarah got sick it was up to Bucky to step up. At that point he was already kicked out of his own house. According to his father he spent too much time with the Rogers family and he thought that an affair was going on between he and Sarah. It couldn’t be farther from the truth but if it meant being able to live with Steve with no consequences, hell, he would take it.

 

After he left his family he never saw them again. He’d heard at some point that they had gone and moved to the West. It didn’t bother him much since they never treated him like family. He didn’t care if they moved to Nazi Germany.

 

Sarah always blamed herself for Bucky’s suffering. He tried to console her countless times that he never suffered when he was around them. And that he was happy to contribute to the household and help Steve considering all the things they had done for him. She put on that face like she always did. Deep down he knew she was glad to have him here to help with Steve. If there were two people in this world that could put him in his place it was those two.

 

The unexpected news of Sarah’s death came with an unexpected visit at work from a very exhausted and teary eyed Steve. He ran onto the docks screaming Bucky’s name. It was high noon on a 90 degree day. Blazin’ fuckin’ hot. Bucky couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He had half a mind to tell him off right there in front of all his fellow dock workers. It wasn’t until Bucky saw the tears and complete breakdown Steve was having that the entire world fell silent. He met Steve at the end of the dock and let him fall into his arms. He sobbed and sobbed for what felt like hours.

 

“Steve, what’s goin’ on? And what the hell are you doin’ runnin’ about on a day like today? Even I don’t want to be outside. What are you fuckin’ crazy?” Bucky asked. Steve could barely breathe in between sobs. 

 

“Ma’s gone. She’s gone.” he said.

 

Steve didn’t speak to Bucky until after the funeral. Bucky tried hard to get him to say anything, do anything. Steve just stayed in his room. He wouldn’t even come out to eat and Bucky had to practically force it down his throat. Unbeknownst to him, Bucky fell into a depression right along with Steve. Sarah was a mother to him too but he couldn’t let himself get as worked up as Steve did. Neither of them would survive it. Really, it was Bucky’s annoying and itching instinct to keep this scrawny asshole alive that kept him going. Made him push through the pain of her loss to keep their apartment and food on the table.

 

Eventually Steve made it through. He slowly had color coming back into his cheeks, even his hair seemed a little bit more of a brighter blonde. It was like a blanket had been lifted off of their lives. He never talked about her again after that. Bucky learned quickly that the second he brought her up the blanket was back. Better to leave it alone, he was never very good at all this emotional crap anyways.

 

When the call to war came Bucky knew Steve wouldn’t be able to volunteer. Even though he so  _ desperately _ wanted to. He anticipated Bucky’s acceptance letter more than Bucky did when he knew he couldn’t go and fight. Bucky wanted nothing more than to punch Steve in the face every time he brought up the fuckin’ war. This scrawny asshole  _ wants _ to go into a trench and get his head blown off by a machine gun. Was he fuckin’ insane? He thought back to the fights that they had gotten into that Steve started for, what he called, the “greater good”. Idiot.

 

The letter finally came. He never showed it to Steve. He was too upset to do anything else besides set it on fucking fire. He watched as the flames engulfed the black letters into ash. Lighting up their dim back alley way.

 

“ _ You are hereby notified that you have now been selected for training and service therein. Willful failure to report promptly to this local board at the hour and the day named in this notice is a violation of the Selective Training Act of 1940, as amended, subjects the violator to imprisonment.” _

 

He spit on it and stomped it out. Fuck Hitler.

**Author's Note:**

> To be honest this is kind of inspiring me to write more of their life with Sarah so I might do that.


End file.
